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Why did you have to love me? Every time I look there you are, your eyes, your face, your future. I don’t want to destroy that future; I don’t want to see that face in tears. And so I toil forward, no matter how much it hurts, and it hurts so much.

Why did you have to look up to me? I am your hero, I am special, and I am awesome in your innocent little heart, incapable of any wrong. Delicate flower that is your mind, I shudder at the thought of what might hurt it. So I trod on, never mind that I want to stop so badly.

And I love you, and I care about you. And it is you the final thread that holds me fast to this life I’d rather quit. I don’t want to do this anymore, I can’t do this anymore, but every time I want to quit I see your face and I hear my name from your lips. And I grit my teeth and keep going.

I smile for you. And when I don’t, I shrug and act as if it’s no big deal. I just feel sick today, I tell you, and you nod. How could I tell you how much some days weight on me? But in your eyes I am strong, in your eyes I am Super Woman, and so I grit my teeth, and keep on going another day.

I can’t even take the easy way out, a path of self-destruction so many like me indulge in. I don’t get drunk, I don’t do drugs, I don’t party too much. Every time I feel like destroying myself there you are, and I’m too scared of the example I would set for you. I am afraid of leaving awful memories, terrible experiences, and bad lessons to you.

I wish I could just end it. I’m just not strong enough, and I am so, so tired. But I don’t want you to be sad. I don’t want you to cry. So I grit my teeth, stand up again, and take another step in agony, and I smile when I want to cry and keep going when I want to give up, because right behind me, following my every step, there you are, you, with the bright future, with the chance of being happy, with the hope of doing something wonderful to this world.

And I don’t dare raise a hand against me. I don’t dare to leave you alone. Because as hopeless as I am, as hurt as I feel, you are the most wonderful thing in my life, and I will go on, I will go on because you love me. I will remain here, I will be your hero, I will be your model, I will show you the way, I will smile for you, and pray that you never see this pain that suffocates me so. I’ll be damned if I let you see it.
For you, I will fight my demons one more day.